


Three Birds an an Attempt at Eggs

by LuciusIII



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 22:16:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21043658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuciusIII/pseuds/LuciusIII
Summary: Short Stolen Century fic aboard the Starblaster, where Taako and Lup answer to Lucretia's culinary needs





	Three Birds an an Attempt at Eggs

“Taako!” Lucretia’s voice echoed through the Starblaster’s halls, originating in the kitchen. In two distinct rooms on the ship, audible sighs were heard as the twins got up and made their way to Lucretia. They met in the hallway headed towards the kitchen and locked eyes before realizing what had happened once again.

“She did it again, huh?” Taako asked nonchalantly.

“I have _got_ to get a different last name, this is getting annoying,” The fact that both of them were named Taako in a way had often led to confusion before.

“Like anyone would ever to marry you. _Lmao_.” Taako grinned. He was fully aware of what was playing between Barry and his sister, as was everyone on board except Lup and Barry themselves. Regardless of this, he liked to tease her.

“Did you just say_ lmao_ out loud? You know what, never mind.” Lup rolled her eyes and started to turn around to head back to her room when Lucretia’s voice sounded from the kitchen again.

“Both of you is fine!” The twins looked at each other with surprise and headed into the kitchen.

“What’s up, ‘Cretia?”

“I have asked you multiple times not to call me that, Taako.”

“We both know you love it. Now what’s actually up?” Lucretia stood behind the counter holding a pan full of charred rests of something that had at one point most likely been food. The twins realized only now that the scent of burned food hung in the kitchen.

“I need your help.”

“In more ways than one, yes.” Taako interrupted her. Lup smacked him on the back of his head.

“Thank you, Lup.” Lucretia continued. “I have ruined six eggs already in my attempt to make an omelette and I am getting sick of it.” The twins looked confused.

“Lucretia, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you’re literally a wizard.” Said Lup.

“I’m an abjurer, not a conjurer. I don’t know how to summon eggs and even if I did, I wouldn’t waste a spell slot on it.”

“You wouldn’t waste a _what_?” Taako asked.

“Never mind. The point is, I need to learn to make eggs.” Taako grinned.

“That explains why I’m here, but did you call Lup just to watch me nail an omelette?” Lup raised her hand again, as if to signal a second slap. Taako turned to his sister and raised his eyebrows. “We both know cooking eggs is more my thing, dear sister, in very much the same way that surfing is, as well as being the pretty one.” The smack landed on the cheek the moment he spoke his last word. Lucretia cleared her throat loudly.

“For the record, you are both called pretty by the inhabitants of this planet. Now, can we please cook some eggs?” Taako eyed over the counter to see if all the ingredients were there.

“You need some tomato and basil to make the perfect omelette, I tell you. I’d even suggest a dollop of cream for texture.” Taako reached for his wand to summon the ingredients.

“Psh, that’s not even your recipe.” Lup glared at her brother. “That’s just the omelette recipe by Jamie Old-Liver.” Taako didn’t respond, for he knew she was right.

“Jamie Old-Liver?” Lucretia asked.

“Yes, the famous chef known for his usage of liver that’s already gone bad. Taako always steals his recipes.” Taako dropped his jaw, insulted.

“Like you don’t take every other thing you make straight from Gorgon Ramshead’s tomes of cooking.”

“Gorgon Ramshead?” Lucretia asked again.

“The famous half-gorgon half-satyr chef?” Lup was surprised that Lucretia shrugged, showing she didn’t know Lup’s favourite chef. “I swear to Pan, Lucretia, do you ever watch fantasy TV?”

“I mostly write and do other grown-up things, I’m afraid.” She glared at Taako who had started grinning when she had mentioned the phrase grown-up things. “Like doing taxes, and reading books, Taako. Get your mind out of the gutter and help me cook these eggs for the love of all things holy.” Taako swung his wand and the charred rests disappeared from Lucretia’s pan.

“Let’s get cookin’ baby!” Both Taako and Lup reached for the bottle of olive oil and their hands touched before either of them could grab it. Their heads shot up, their eyes locked, and their free hands landed on their hips. They both carried their wands in holsters on their belt: Lup thought it was practical to be able to draw it quickly, and Taako mostly appreciated looking like a cowboy.

“It would be a shame if we all had to miss you for the rest of this cycle, _brother_.”

“What would be a shame is if you cooked these eggs instead of me, _sister._” Lup stood up straight and let her shoulders hang, a disappointed look on her face.

“Really? You couldn’t think of something more dramatic to say? We were having a dope anime-rivalry moment and you ruined it.”

“It sounded cool in my head, okay?” Lup scoffed.

“I already regret asking you both, but can we please just make eggs now?” Lucretia’s voice had the characteristic tiredness to it that only the Taaco twins could cause.

“Alright, we’ll further your narrative now!” Taako exclaimed, reaching for a pan and ending this scene.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic on here, I'd love some comments or feedback! I tried to write it with some goofs and gaffs as if the boys had actually played it, hope it came out well. It ends a little abruptly, just like I imagine Griffin would have ended it if he got tired of Justin's shit.


End file.
